This will be added to as and when…
Your Humble Narrator
Stripy socks, spotty dresses and nerdy spectacles. A tendency to state the obvious. I really want detachable limbs. I quite like ninjas. Geekier than I appear…and I appear to be pretty damn geeky.
The Boyf
He is awsum. Nerdy, funny, clever, unbelievably tolerant of me. Completely awsum. Alas he currently lives one hundred and fifteen and a half miles away, this hopefully will be remedied in the near future because I got a job there, but until then our relationship is heavily reliant upon technology. I don’t feel I have to tone down my weird geekiness for him, he doesn’t seem to mind that I’m weirdly geeky and indulges me and my slightly peculiar ways. The best Articulate partner a girl could want and a worthy Scrabble foe. Eye less than three hymn to the power of sideways eight.
Beetle
My only friend wot is a girl. Slightly ditzy, slightly naïve, all heart. The friend who’ll dance with you to the song that’s not meant for dancing. Has a husband known as Mr Beetle and a tiny little baby girl by the pseudonym of Ladybug.
Mother
The woman who conceived, bore, raised, fed and clothed me. She used to be somewhat overbearing, but then I used to somewhat disaffected. We’ve both seemingly mellowed since I returned to her nest. She makes the heaviest desserts known to mankind, the kind of desserts which need double cream to lighten them. I wouldn’t recommend getting between her and her home makeover programmes unless you have a blatant disregard for your personal safety.
Father
The XY part of the partnership which resulted in my conception. Although married to my mother and they are still together he spends more time living and working in a former Russian state New Zealand. Does something to do with oil from our former-fourth-bedroom-now-home-office, but I’m not clear what. He like his red wine as much as he detests cats and seems to enjoy burning weeds, sticks and general garden greenery with his blowtorch a little too much.
Little Sister
Equal parts my polar opposite and my carbon copy. We fight like cat and dog, Catholic and Protestant, Fellowship and Orc [*delete according to your personal frame of reference]. However, she’s my sister and while I can fight with her, we will sibling-up and beat-down on those who wrong either one of us. Her favourite form of this is the classic, sitting-on-you-and-punching-you-with-your-own-fist-while-asking why-are-you-hitting-yourself?
The Former Flatmate
Former friend, former flatmate. We do not speak. We can’t even tolerate each other anymore. Which is a shame <egotism> and very much his loss </egotism>. It’s never going back to the way it once was, and I’ve now made my peace with that. He has a violent sidekick known as Violent Sidekick. Violent Sidekick has now moved in with Former Flatmate and I have annexed them completely from my life, this doesn’t – however – stop Violent Sidekick from threatening to stab me and shouting at me in the street.
